Pale: I can't say Goodbye
by ILoveVampiaries
Summary: My Jenna fanfic takes place after 2x21, The sun also arise, she's alive. Find out how here!      "Your face was priceless," Jenna said and smiled a tired smile. He smirked back at her. She was making jokes and that was a good sign. "I don't understand..."
1. Author's Note

~ I don't own any characters of The Vampire Diaries, I just loaned them to write this fanfiction ~

So, I'm going to try this. Fanfiction and I don't like each other but I want to share this story with everyone who loved and loves Jenna, who thought her death was unfair and who thought it wasn't fair that she just knew about supernatural, then got turned and got sacrificed. Also, the fact that she had only two roses on her funeral upset me a bit.

I wrote this because Jenna is, and always will be, my favorite character on the show. No matter what happens, happened or what will happen. I hope to see her back one day, because Sara Canning does an amazing job and she is adorable on screen. Jenna cares, is nice, tries so hard and had a great relationship with Alaric.

I'll never forget about Jenna, nor about how great Sara was playing her.

Enough rambling! About my fanfic:

Jenna's not dead, you will pretty soon find out what is happening to her. You'll also find out about why she is not dead and how she end up where she is.

The story takes place in two kind of POV's. The present is written in the She-POV, meaning everything is written as "Jenna did this and she said that". The other part of the story is in the I-POV, this is in all of the flashbacks.

I love to write both POV's and thought it was fun to combine them but I wanted to warn you and keep you from being confused.

That's it, I hope you will enjoy my story. I'd love to get reviews for comments or tips to improve my writing.

PS. I don't think my story is very realistic, I'm sure it's not even possible but just pretend it can.


	2. Time is precious

**A/N  
><strong>**I don't own the characters of TVD in my fanfiction and I never will. All rights belong to their owners.  
>First chapter of my fanfiction! I hope you're as excited as I am. It means a lot to share this. The song that inspired me is Pale by Within Temptation. It suits my fanfic perfect and it's one of my favorite songs. After every lyrics, the POV shifts from Author's POV (present) to Jenna's "I" POV (flashbacks) and back. Hope you like it! I'd love to hear what you think!<strong>

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><p><em>~ The world seems not the same,<br>though I know nothing has changed  
>It's all my state of mind,<br>I can't leave it all behind  
>Have to stand up to be stronger ~<em>

Who would ever have thought this would be real? But then, who would have thought that vampires were real. Werewolves, witches, all living in the same world as us. Now that she knew, now that she thought about it, Jenna wasn't so surprised. The signs had been there, but she just hadn't seen it.  
><em>Like walking in a dark room, a room that was familiar. You wouldn't be able to see things, but you would know they are there. You'd know where the bed stands and at what place the desk is. You would know that those things have a place. You'd know they exist, but you couldn't see them.<br>_That's what this felt like. Her subconscious had known it was not like she always thought it would be. That there was more in the world than just.. humans.

But that she would end up here, in this place, no, she had never thought that would be possible. Jenna Sommers had never, ever thought about being buried alive. She still didn't know if it was real. Maybe this was all just a bad dream. She didn't know how long she had been here, but it had been a while. Longer than she liked, that anyone would like. After all, she was laying under the ground.  
>What had happened exactly? She didn't know. Not exactly. Jenna remembered things, but they were foggy and vague. She took a deep breath before closing her eyes, concentrating on the past few days. Had it just been days? It had felt like weeks, years even.<p>

_~ Have to try to break free  
>from the thoughts in my mind ~<em>

When I walked into the kitchen, Elena was getting herself some ice cream. A knock on the door interrupted the small talk we used to have every evening. It wasn't really about something new. That's probably why it was called 'small talk.' I sighed before getting up to answer the door, wondering who was standing at my porch so late. Maybe it was John again, but I think I saw him going upstairs earlier. Good thing my bedroom was able to be locked. _Ugh._I couldn't stand John. His whole attitude, the arrogance in his eyes, our past. I shook my head when I walked to the hallway. Footsteps of Elena's rushing pace followed me like a shadow. I raised one eyebrow, while opening the door.

I froze when I saw the woman in front of me. I had seen pictures of her, but I'd never, ever thought I'd meet her in person. All possible kind of emotions rushed through my body. Betrayal, hurt, sadness, astonishment, shock, rage. I couldn't move. I didn't know how to talk, I didn't know what to think, though my head was full with thoughts. Ric. He had been lying. How could I ever have trusted another guy. A few months ago, I had sworn men off forever. But Alaric had been different, I thought. He had been honest with me, he had a part in my heart. He was a part of my life, of Elena's life, of Jeremy's life. He'd been a father to both of them. I chewed the inside of my cheek when Isobel spoke. I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to know her, to know anything. I wanted to turn around, got the Chunky Monkey out of the refridgerator and watch The Notebook in my bedroom. I wanted to cry and hide from the world, from my feelings, from the lies and most important; from the truth. This couldn't be real. It just couldn't.  
>He had sworn it. Ric had insisted that his wife was dead. After telling me that he loved me. How could he? She'd been missing, nobody had known what had happened to her and now she was there right in front of me. I felt like being slapped, no, punched in my face. Twice, three times, from the moment -which had just been two seconds, that I had opened the door.<p>

"Hi, you must be Jenna," the short, dark-haired woman in front of me spoke. "I'm.. Elena's mother," she added. This couldn't be. Having horrible thoughts, feeling like having your heart ripped out, it was nothing by realizing those thoughts were true. This wasn't a dream, nor a nightmare. She was real. I heard Elena's footstep froze behind me. I didn't care about how I had felt just seconds ago. This was not the right way for Elena to meet her biological mother. I turned around to watch her expression. To my surprise, she didn't look surprised at the sight of her real mother. An annoying pain shot through my stomach when I realized why. This wasn't the first time they met.

"Isobel," she spoke. I narrowed my eyes. She knew. How could she know? Unless.. I turned my head back to Isobel. "Hello Elena, it's nice to see you again," she said. Again? Again? So her feeling had been right. This wasn't the first time Elena had met her biological mother. She had known that Isobel was still alive. She had known that Alaric's wife was still alive. She had known he had been lying to her. "Again?" I snapped from my thoughts. My head hurted. This was too much. I looked at Elena, certain a billion emotions coloured my face. "So you're the woman who is dating my husband," Isobel said. I couldn't believe this. I was still frozen at the doorstep. This couldn't be real, I knew it couldn't be. But it was. I tried to control myself from an emotional breakdown. I had put my trust in Elena, in Alaric, in everyone, and they had abused it. Never, had I felt so betrayed as right now. Not even with _Logan_. "I need to speak to Elena, may I come in," Isobel asked, but before I could blink, before I could do something, Elena was freaking out telling me not to invite her in. As if I had wanted that. As if I'd invite the woman who just had ruined everything, but at the same time had opened my eyes.  
>Elena closed the door with a loud thud when my legs felt like giving out. I needed to know. I needed the truth, even though I didn't want it. Elena met my eyes. "You knew she was still alive," I concluded. "Ric? John? Did they know?" I couldn't control my emotions any longer. Her silence answered the questions for me. I didn't even hear her when Elena said she could explain everything to me. I bit my lip, turned around and headed for the stairs, towards my room. They had betrayed me, all of them. Not only Ric, not only John, Elena too. It hurted, it hurted so much. I couldn't keep back the tears that had been burning in my eyes for the last three minutes. I ran to my room, locked the door beside me and felt my legs tremble. I sat against the door and pulled my knees up, tuning Elena's cries to give her a chance to explain out. Lost in the tears I had hold back for too long.<p>

_Someone had switched the light on my nightstand on in the dark room. I could see more than I had before, when it was dark as charcoal. I could see things, vague, in my room. But I wanted someone to turn on the switch of the light that would light up the whole room._

I wanted to know what was going on, I wanted to know everything, no more lies. But I was afraid, scared to get even more hurt than right now. I closed my eyes, letting the dark surround me, hiding from the light, the truth.

I heard the door open and close downstairs and opened my eyes, finding the tears dried on my cheeks. I heard voices, one I did recognize better than I should have. Ric. I was tired of this and started to pack my bag. I couldn't stay here, I couldn't stay here and face the truth, nor the lies. More lies. The trust I had put in the two persons downstairs was shattered. I picked up a few books, clothing, keys and my purse with everything I needed inside. I opened the door and went downstairs, finding the two of them stopping mid-sentence. I walked past them, got my jacket and pulled it on. He just stood there, so calm, like everything was okay. Everything was not okay. I told him to go, but he, too, said he could and would explain. But it was too late for that now. I told them I didn't need any more lies from them and that I'd stay on campus for a little while.

_~ Use the time that I have,  
>I can't say goodbye,<br>have to make it right ~  
><em>

Feeling like she was suffocating, Jenna tried to move her arms and legs. She'd never liked those crime series with people buried alive. If she could only move enough to loosen the dirt around her. But she had no strength. Not physically, not mentally. This was a lost case. She had known it from the moment she had opened her eyes and found herself here, under the ground. Jenna had always been a fighter, a fighter for the good in the world. She'd support charities, she had always wanted the best for Elena and Jeremy. She wasn't the best parent, Jenna knew that. But she had always tried, always fought for the ones she cared about.

~ _Have to fight, 'cause I know  
>in the end it's worthwhile<br>That the pain that I feel slowly fades away,  
>it will be alright ~<em>

So much had happened in the past few days, it was too much to remember all of it. At last, I had come back from campus. Elena had told me the truth, after what happened in my kitchen. Stefan had told me not to meet Ric at the Grill, but suddenly he was there with a knife. I didn't know how he had come in, he just was there. Even though the feelings of betrayal still filled my whole body, and sadness was there to read on my face, I felt what I used to feel for Ric when I saw him. Looking as handsome as ever, butterflies rushed through me, setting my skin on fire. Then things got creepy and I had a bad feeling about this. Ric asked me if I did believe in vampires. Vampires? Fangy, bloodthirsty monsters, living in the shadows. The once of the bedtime stories? The ones that drain the blood out of people No, I didn't believe in vampires. Why was he asking me this?  
>Before I knew what happened, still frozen by the question and by the fact Ric had been holding a knife - and not just a knife, but the knife I had walked into earlier, the one I wanted to avoid as much as possible- Stefan was there, throwing Ric against the wall. He told me to get out of there, but I was frozen in place. I couldn't move. He snapped and turned around to scream at me. This wasn't the best way to make a people move. Not when they didn't believe in vampires and just had been vamped out at. I tried to tell myself to move, to make my right feet go in front of my left one. Before I knew what had happened, Ric was on the ground. What had Stefan done to him? I always had thought Stefan was a good guy and nothing like Damon. But what he had done to Ric? And why?<p>

I was at the boarding house. I'd never been there before. Elena was there too. She told me about vampires. They did exist. Stefan was one, and Damon. They weren't evil. I wasn't so sure. I couldn't forget the sight of Stefan throwing Ric against the wall of the kitchen. I cried, I had always felt like I had to take care of Elena and Jeremy. But now it turned out they had known this all along, but wanted to keep me safe. This wasn't how it should be, I was their guardian, they weren't mine. Elena explained me everything, about vampires, becoming one, about bad vampires. About werewolves and witches. Could this get any more confusing? Isobel was a vampire. Katherine was, Elena's 500 years old twin. It had been her I'd seen on the porch, kissing Damon. Suddenly I liked Damon a lot more. Also, she told me about killing vampires, about Alaric, about curses and about Originals like Klaus and Elijah. Elijah. I couldn't believe it when I heard it. Was everyone in town, even the new people, lying to me? Was there someone in town that not knew about all of this? She told me I had invited a lot of vampires in our house and that now the boarding house was on her name. Only she could invite people in, it was safe here.

_~ I know, should realize  
>time is precious, it is worthwhile<br>Despite how I feel inside,  
>have to trust it'll be all right<br>Have to stand up to be stronger ~_

A vision of Ric's face appeared in front of her eyelids. She tried to turn her head, as if looking away would help. It didn't. Jenna couldn't hide from the thoughts about him. Not when she was dying for the third time in the last twentyfour hours. She never had been as claustrophobic as now and Jenna knew she would have to get out soon or it would be over for real. Ric's face was dancing in front of her eyelids and she closed her tired eyes. It hurted to look back at this, knowing she would never see him again. Jenna knew she'd die soon because there wasn't much oxigen left.

_~ Oh, this night is too long,  
>have no strength to go on<br>No more pain, I'm floating away  
>Through the mist see the face<br>of an angel, who calls my name  
>I remember you're the reason I have to stay ~<em>

Elena had told me about what Klaus had done to Ric, possessing him and using him. After hearing the truth about vampires and Isobel, I did understand better what he did. I still didn't like the fact he had been lying and thinking I couldn't handle it though. When he was suddenly there, in the hallway of the boarding house, I didn't doubt a second and picked the crossbow and told him to stay away from me. I didn't know if I could shoot him, the man I loved, but he was dangerous. I thought, but Damon told him to prove it. "First night we spend together Jeremy walked in when.." Ric said, but I interrupted. Elena and Stefan were at my left side and Damon at the right and neither of them would ever get to know what happened when Jeremy walked in on us. Not over my dead body. "Yeah, okay, it's him," I quickly said and lowered the crossbow. They all looked like they were trying really hard not to laugh. I blushed.  
>Later I told him how glad I was that he was okay. With all the drama and Damon staking Stefan, I was ashamed of myself for not telling it him earlier. I had forgiven him, and even though I hadn't said it out loud, I knew he knew. Because he knew me, was my best friend and could read me like a book. And how could I ever stay angry at him anyway?<br>We kissed and it felt so good when his lips touched mine. I had missed it more than I liked to admit. Hanging by the moment, we stayed there with our foreheads together and I knew everything was going to be alright. Nothing could describe the happiness I felt right there and then.

_~ Have to try to break free  
>from the thoughts in my mind<br>Use the time that I have,  
>I can't say goodbye,<br>have to make it right  
>Have to fight, 'cause I know<br>in the end it's worthwhile  
>That the pain that I feel slowly fades away,<br>it will be alright ~_

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><p><strong>So what do you think? Was it any good? I'm sorry if there's any spelling mistakes in it. I tried to get rid off them as much as possible!<br>I'm currently writing on Chapter 2, but I'm not sure when I get the chance to edit and upload it. I hope soon!  
>(Also, I have no idea how long this fanfic is going to be.)<br>**


	3. This is not our Farewell

**A/N**  
><strong>I don't own any TVD characters!<strong>  
><strong>I'm glad there are so many people interested in this story. I noticed a few of Story and Favorite Alerts and it's more than I expected! So, I'm writing on Chapter Three right now and I have no idea where it will lead to yet. This Chapter introduces DamonJenna and Damon/Elena scenes and a tiny bit of Damon/Alaric. I hope you like this chapter as well. Halfway in this chapter is a switch from Jenna to Elena, and just like last chapter the lyrics of a song will stand for a POV switch from Elena in present to a flashback. This song is called "Our Farewell" by Within Temptation (I just love WT!). At the end, it shifts from Elena in present to Damon. Sorry if this is confusing, but I like writing in both "She and he" and "I" POVs.**

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><p><em>~ Have to try to break free<br>from the thoughts in my mind  
>Use the time that I have,<br>I can't say goodbye,  
>have to make it right<br>Have to fight, 'cause I know  
>in the end it's worthwhile<br>That the pain that I feel slowly fades away,  
>it will be alright ~<em>

A fluttering in her stomach started a fire in her heart. She couldn't give up. Jenna couldn't leave them behind, Jeremy, Elena and Ric. She had to be strong, she had to fight and not drown in self-pity under the ground. _You can do this,_ she told herself. _And if you can't, you at least tried,_ Jenna added in her thoughts. Stretching out, she felt the dirt move a bit. Jenna raised her right arm and slowly it moved an inch. And another. Her heartbeat increased because moving through dirt took a lot of effort. It seemed hours before she had raised both arms and tried to dig her way out. She couldn't do this, she realized, a tear in the corner of her eye. All that was around her was dirt, she could barely see. _Just a minute,_ she thought but another part in her screamed that there wasn't time to rest and that she had to get out of here now. _You can do this,_ Jenna thought again. _For Elena, for Jer and for Ric, you can do this._ But her legs and arms felt so heavy and she was exhausted. Just when she knew she ran out of time, she saw something that gave her the strength to hold on to life. Light, it wasn't sunlight but more than she ever had thought to see again. She was getting closer. _Keep on moving,_ she told herself. And finally she felt what happened to be the best feeling on this planet. Jenna felt how her fingers were teased by air. Cold, fresh air. It was what gave her the strength to dig out the last inches. Jenna sighed with relief when she could take a breath, a real breath. It hurted her lungs after laying under the ground for god knew how long. Jenna could taste the air and gave herself a minute before trying to dig out the rest of her body.  
>She collapsed on the ground when she was out of the hole in the earth. Jenna couldn't believe she had been able to do this, but she had. She didn't know how, but something had given her strength over and over again. The next moment, everything faded to black.<p>

When she woke up, Jenna could tell it was early morning. It was still quite dark, but she could make out the shape of trees and tombstones. _I must had fallen asleep,_ she thought and got up. For a moment, she couldn't even feel her legs. As if she didn't know how to walk. _Right foot, left foot,_ she told herself and walked in no particular direction. By the time it was easy for her to see things and heard morning birds sing, she had reached a road that looked familiar. No idea how she ended up here, Jenna knew it would bring her to the boarding house. She sighed with relief when she saw she had indeed been right, the boarding house appeared in front of her. Jenna looked around her, feeling exhausted. Every step hurted. She sniffed the air and tried her hearing, but there was nothing but birds and wind rushing through the leaves of the trees around her. _Human,_ she thought surprised. Jenna had a good view of the boarding house now and thought she saw a shadow move. _I'm so, so tired,_ Jenna thought and closed her eyes, feeling dizzy. She felt her conscious slip away again, just when someone caught her. "Jenna?" she heard the man's voice uncertain and surprised as if he couldn't believe it. Hell, who would? She couldn't even believe it herself. It took her all of her energy left to lift her head to the man holding her. "Damon," she breathed just when darkness closed in around her.

When she woke up, Jenna was still in his arms. He carried her to the couch and laid her down carefully. Everything hurted. Damon then realized she was awake and sat next to her, stroking back her hair. It was covered with dirt and leaves, she realized. Still barely being able to keep her eyes open, Jenna said, "Your face was priceless," and smiled a tired smile. He smirked back at her. She was making jokes and that was a good sign. "I don't understand.." Damon told her, hating to admit that he actually still was surprised.  
>"I know," she told him and tried to sit up. Jenna felt so weak, she never had felt like this. Not even after she had stabbed herself. "Look, I don't want to ruin your couch and I really need a shower before anybody sees me like this," she said. "Believe me, we've seen <em>worse<em>," Damon smirked. Jenna rolled her eyes. She was so relieved she was here and alive. She wouldn't have known what would happened if she hadn't been able to crawl her way out. "I'll help you, come on," he added, helping her get up. "Really, Damon, it's not necessary, I can handle it," Jenna said and felt him let go of her. She had been wrong though, because she lost balance. Before she even thought about falling, he caught her again. Good thing he had fast reflexes. "Easy," he warned her, leading her to the closest bathroom. Suddenly he seemed to have taken a chair with him. Jenna frowned. He put it under the shower and helped her sit down. "I'll get some of Elena's clothes, while you shower. Just promise me to sit and don't get up yourself because I don't want you to be more injured than you already are," Damon said serious. Jenna nodded and he smirked. "If you need any help," he said, but Jenna interrupted, "I'm sure I can handle it myself, thanks," and rolled her eyes again. Such a flirt. But Jenna was happy she had run into Damon. He _cared_. Damon nodded and closed the door behind him when he made his way out of the bathroom.

Somehow, she had managed to shower even though she was sitting in a chair. She had to admit that it had helped a lot. Her legs felt better than before and the hot water had, strange enough, been able to wash all the dirt away. Her hair smell like strawberries in stead of wet sand and dog poop. _Yeah, I definitely feel better,_Jenna thought to herself. "Jenna?" Damon's somewhat worried voice sounded through the door. "Ready," she shouted back, a towel around her body. He came in and tried very hard not to smirk, handing her the clothes, telling her he'd wait outside. She managed to dress, her damp hair hanging on her shoulders. Elena's clothes were a bit small, but not uncomfortable. She opened the door of the bathroom, finding Damon waiting for her like he promised. "You look a lot better," he admitted grinning. "I feel a lot better too, thanks," she paused, "not to be rude, but I haven't eaten anything in what feels like days." "Of course, so what will it be, breakfast or blood?" he wondered out loud. "Breakfast," she answered, smiling, walking to the couch. He had cleaned the little mud away.

Before she realized how hungry she really was, he was back with a tray of food. Of course he wouldn't be Damon if he hadn't get her a full breakfast; fresh orange juice, sandwiches that looked delicious, croissants with bacon and cheese and an fried egg. "Thank you, Damon," she said and really meant it, she knew she would never be able to thank him for all he'd done. "For everything. Elena has told me how you always seemed to be there to protect her," Jenna said, her throat felt dry and she felt sad, "I'm so glad you were, when I wasn't." He looked at her, nodding. Jenna knew by now he wasn't really a person that talked about emotions a lot. "I always will," he simply said. "I'll call Elena and Ric and have them come over if you'd like," he finished and got up. He was halfway through the room when she realized she had forgot to ask. "What happened to Klaus? Is everyone okay? Elena? Bonnie?" Jenna asked, anxious to hear they were all okay except from the first one. "Elijah didn't keep his word. He helped Klaus escape. Bonnie is okay, so is Jeremy. Elena didn't die, nor turn, because Bonnie did a spell. I'm sorry Jenna, John died, he gave his life for Elena so she'd live," Damon filled her in. A single pain shot through her stomach. John had died. Elena's dad had died, just when Isobel did a few days ago. She looked down. "What about Stefan? I remember he wanted Klaus to take him in stead of me.." Jenna whispered and looked up at Damon. He shifted his weight, "I think it's better to get the full story when Elena and Alaric are here."

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><p>Elena sighed when her phone ring and she saw the caller ID. "Damon," she sighed into her phone while answering it. She didn't really want to talk with him. Last night was still fresh and clear in her memory. Stefan had told her earlier that day that Damon was bitten by Tyler. When he had been in his wolf-form. She couldn't believe Damon hadn't told her. She then had realized that's why Damon had come to her that morning. Elena had thought it was strange that Damon had come to ask for forgiveness. Saying that he <em>needed<em> it. She hadn't known why, but when Stefan had told her about Damon, she knew. And she felt so guilty. Elena knew that she had to find him, she couldn't loose him like this.  
>After Sheriff Forbes had taken her to the police office and she had escaped by breaking through a window, Elena did find him. Rose had been hallucinating and the fact that she looked exactly like Katherine hadn't helped Elena. She didn't expect it to be the same for Damon. Elena had thought he'd be able to tell the difference, but he didn't. God knew what he saw, when his fangs pierced through the skin of her neck. The feeling had terrified her. Just like when two days ago he had forced his blood on her. Part of her struggled and was in pain, but another part enjoyed it. Strong feelings had made a connection between the two of them, a bond that was more than prey and predator. When she thought about it now, Elena could almost recall the feeling. <em>Never<em> had she felt such a powerful thing.

It had both hurt her and brought her pleasure, but when she looked back and saw his face -realizing what he had done, her heart broke. They sat on the ground, she had hold him in her arms, before taking him home.

_~ In my hands  
>a legacy of memories,<br>I can hear you say my name  
>I can almost see your smile,<br>feel the warmth of your embrace  
>But there is nothing but silence now<br>around the one I loved  
>Is this our farewell? ~<em>

We entered the boarding house, and I wish I was stronger. Damon wasn't the easiest person to drag with you. We'd fallen a few times, but finally made it to his bedroom. Mixed feelings rushed through my body. I helped him on the huge bed in the middle of the room and went to get a wet towel from his bedroom. He was sweating and having a vampire fever. "Elena, get out of here, I can hurt you," he said, barely a whisper. "No, you won't. I'm here until the very end, I'm not leaving you," I told him and got into his bed myself. Holding his head in my lap, the wet towel on his face. He told me he had realized that loving Katherine had been his own choice. He told me to tell Stefan he was sorry. I promised.

"I deserve this, I deserve to die," Damon interrupted my thoughts. "No," I told him, while moving to lay next to him. To look in his eyes, "you don't."  
>"I do Elena, but it's okay. Because if I would have chosen differently, I wouldn't have met you," he replied, looking into my eyes. I saw he was scared of what would happen, but I also saw acceptance in his icy blue eyes. I couldn't look at this, I couldn't watch Damon die. I loved him, all this time he had been right. I never had admitted it, because I was scared of what would happen if I did, but all this time I had known it. And now he was dying and I regretted that I'd always been such a coward. That I had hurt him, again and again, to prevent myself from trouble and from pain. It wasn't Damon who needed my forgiveness, it was me who needed his. "I'm sorry that I did so much things that hurted you," he spoke. I told him it was okay, because it was. "I forgive you," I replied, while stroking his hand and snuggling closer. I felt like I couldn't leave any space between the two of us.<br>"I love you," he said, and a few tears streamed down my cheek, "you should know that." I had known it, I had known it all along. But I hadn't want to see it, I had been denying it. I never had accepted it until now. "I do," I cried, nodding. I felt him relax beneath me. "You should have met me in 1864, you would have liked me," Damon continued and I knew every word was true. That he didn't hold back and that he had let his walls come down and bared his true feelings to me. And I was so grateful for that, it made me proud. I got up and looked him into his eyes. "I like you now," I said, finally admitting my feelings to him, and to myself. His head turned towards me and I realized how close he was. And how much I wanted this. "Just the way you are," I added and watched his reaction. He needed this, I needed this. The fire that had ran inside me all this time, every moment I saw him, every time I turned it out. It was like exploding inside of me. I looked at him once more, I loved him. I closed the distance between us, every distance and my lips touched his softly. It only lasted two seconds, but the feeling inside of me was indescribable. It felt like the sun was nothing by the light that was called Damon in those dark times. I laid back next to him when Katherine walked in, with the cure.  
>I was relieved, Damon would live, but something wasn't right. Where was Stefan? Why was it Katherine that brought the cure? When I asked, a funny look crossed her face. "He's paying for this," she said and raised the bottle with blood of Klaus. The cure. "I wouldn't except him any time soon," she finished. "What do you mean with 'he gave himself over to Klaus'?" I asked, feeling nauseous. A knot had formed in my stomach and all the feelings I did have two seconds ago, had been vanished. "He sacrificed it all to get the cure for his brother. Including you," she smirked. "But you have Damon keeping you company," Katherine finished and I never felt so sick as then. Damon would live and of course I was happy with that, but I regretted things tonight and he probably –being Damon, wouldn't let go of it soon.<p>

_~ So sorry your world is tumbling down,  
>I will watch you through these nights<br>Rest your head and go to sleep,  
>because my child, this is not our farewell<br>This is not our farewell ~_

She didn't want to talk to Damon right now, nor to anyone else. Elena felt like she was lost. Stefan had sacrificed himself and their relationship to save Damon. She didn't know what to think about it. It was all too much. Stefan, Klaus, Damon and Jenna. Her eyes filled with tears when she thought about their last moments. Elena had meant what she had told Jenna that night; Jenna never had failed them, it was her who had failed Jenna. She always wanted to protect Jenna from anything supernatural and she had failed that, she had made the mistake of the century. Jenna was dead. Elena sniffed the tears back once, not wanting Damon to notice anything, while she waited or his response. "Elena, you need to come over to the boarding house," Damon told her slow and serious. Didn't he understand that going there was the last thing she wanted? "Look, Damon, I'm kind of busy. I don't have time to talk or to entertain you," she said. She knew it was a mean thing to say, and it hurted her more than she'd expected, but she couldn't face him right now. "As much as I would _love_ to, this isn't about me," Damon replied, emphasizing on the word love. "There's someone who needs to speak to you." I wondered who that would be. "Who?" she asked him curious. "Come and see," Damon replied. She could see him smirk. "I don't have time for this, Damon," Elena spoke, expressing all of her annoyance and impatience. "You will regret it if you don't hurry up," he finished before she hang up on him. It seemed important, Damon being Damon, this was quite a _serious_conversation. Elena picked up her purse and car keys and closed the door of the Gilbert house behind her.

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><p>After calling Elena, he knew she would come no matter what had happened between them last night, he allowed himself to smile. He dialled Ric's number after. "Ric, I need your help," Damon said when he picked up his phone. He sounded drunk, <em>again<em>. Damon wouldn't admit it, but he was worried about Alaric. "I'm at the boarding house," he answered Alaric's question. "As soon as you can," he said to the question when he was exactly needed. He heard his friend wanting to avoid this problem, probably to keep drinking at the Grill more. "I don't know Damon, it's not like I'm any help in whatever the situation is anyway," Ric said through the phone. "I'm sure you are, it is about Jenna," Damon replied. Without an answer, Alaric had hang up.

Damon returned to the living room, finding Jenna asleep on the couch. He was so glad she was okay, she was the last person who had deserved the things that had happen to her the last few days. Damon went for a blanket upstairs and spread it over her as Jenna was finally having a peaceful dream. The first one since days.

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><p><strong>I hope this wasn't too confusing and that you like where this story is going! I'd love to get reviews. Next chapter will (how it looks now) explain how Jenna can still be alive. J I'm not sure when the next update will be, but I love writing this fanfiction so I hope it won't be too long from now. Again, reviews are very welcome, because I'd love to know what you think about this.<strong>


	4. All my thoughts are with you Forever

**A/N  
>I don't own any TVD character, we all know that.<br>So, here is THE chapter. This is the chapter in which you learn HOW Jenna is still alive in this fanfiction. It took me 5 hours to figure it all out. When I started this fanfic, I knew what I wanted, but I hadn't thought it all through. It took me a while, but it was definitely worth it. This is the chapter that should make sense.. And I hope it does! Enjoy reading. J**

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><p><em>~ If I tell you<br>Will you listen?  
>Will you stay?<br>Will you be here forever?  
>Never go away?<br>Never thought things would change, only time,  
>please don't say again that you have to go ~<em>

Jenna woke up when the door bell rang. Confused where she was, she looked around._ Boarding house living room,_ she thought. Jenna then remembered what had happened. _I must have fallen asleep_, Jenna thought. "Damon," she heard a familiar voice say. She didn't think she could ever forget the sound of it, nor the person it belonged to. An excited feeling fluttered in her stomach and Jenna felt suddenly awake. "Alaric," Damon greeted and closed the door behind him. His friend looked awful, he realized. He hoped that'd change soon. This was strange though, how did you tell someone that someone who was supposed to be dead and buried was sitting wide awake -he had hear Jenna woke up and her heartbeat increase at the sound of Ric's voice, on the couch? "I don't know how to say this," Damon admitted. Alaric raised his eyebrow at him. "Just spit it out?" he suggested but Damon shook his head. "I don't think that'd do in this situation. I guess you will have to.. see for yourself," he replied and walked back towards the living room, with Alaric following his every step.

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><p>Alaric had a strange feeling about this. Damon's call earlier hadn't made any sense and he was too far from being sober to be able to help with whatever. So why did Damon need him over at the boarding house? He didn't want to go. His world seemed to have shattered in the last few days. At first, he hadn't realized what exactly had happened. When he did, it had felt like someone had turned out all of the lights in the world. As if the sun never would rise again. He took another sip of his bourbon. It was as if no matter what would happen in the world, he couldn't care. Alaric knew he had to, though. He had to take care of Jeremy and Elena. He owed that to Jenna, for all the hurt he'd done to her in the last couple of days and for everything that had happened to her.<br>Alaric didn't know what number of glass of pure alcohol this was for him. All he knew was that even the drinks didn't buzz his head enough to make him forget what had happened. It wasn't strong enough to numb the feelings inside of him, not one single second. He had never felt so lost. His -god knows how many, glass was empty and he decided to go and see what Damon needed him for. He probably shouldn't drive right now, he should be an example to all of his history students, but he couldn't care less and got into his car.

_~ A bitter thought,  
>I had it all,<br>but I just let it go  
>Hold your silence,<br>it's a violence since you're gone_

All my thoughts are with you forever,  
>until the day we'll be back together<br>I will be waiting for you ~

I rang the bell of the Salvatore's boarding house and waited for Damon to answer the door. When he did, I nodded, "Damon." He greeted back and closed the door behind me. "I don't know how to say this," Damon admitted and I raised an eyebrow at him. Since when did Damon not know what to say? I had a weird feeling about this. "Just spit it out?" I suggested but Damon shook his head. "I don't think that'd do in this situation. I guess you will have to.. see for yourself," he replied and walked towards the living room. I stood in the hallway, still thinking about what I had to think of all of this, but decided to follow him and 'see for myself.'

When I turned around the corner and saw the back of her head, I froze. This couldn't be. I recognized that hair better than anything else in the world. It belonged to someone who had died two nights ago. I couldn't move and I felt my heart stop for a moment. I didn't know what to do, or what to feel. I was too shocked by what was right in front of me. At first I thought I was more drunk than I thought I was, but when she turned around something told me that this was true. This was _real_. Her green eyes confirmed it and her shy smile was what convinced me. "Ric," Jenna said. All of the world seemed to be in that word, my name. I walked towards her fast, tears wetting every single place on my face. I didn't care. "Jenna," I said, when I reached the couch, getting down on my knees so we were on eye level. "Jenna," I repeated, my eyes taking in the woman in front of me. I couldn't believe this. Even aliens and ufo's were more realistic than this. "It's okay, I'm here," she comforted me and placed her hand on my wet cheek. I'd never expect to see her again, let alone feel her touch. My hand raised to take her hand and I laced my fingers through hers.

I didn't notice a knock on the door, neither Damon walking away to answer it. All I could see was the woman I loved in front of me. A waterfall of emotions rushed through my body, and I couldn't sort them out. I didn't know how to feel, except that I was relieved and confused. Jenna seemed to enjoy it, because she was smiling widely. I didn't know what had happened, what was happening right now or what would happen, but I smiled back before leaning in to kiss her.

_~ If I had told you  
>you would've listened,<br>you had stayed  
>You would be here forever,<br>never went away ~_

If someone had told him this would happen a few hours ago, Alaric would have laughed humourless at the very thought of it. He'd have exclaimed that they were crazy and he'd have shook his head and laughed it off. When he pulled back from the kiss that had mean more than any word ever said, he saw Elena entering the room, shock was all over her face. 

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><p>When she drove to the driveway of the boarding house, Elena saw that she wasn't the only person who seemed to be invited. She walked to the door and knocked twice, before Damon answered it. "This better be good," she warned him. He grinned. "Oh, believe me, it is," he said and winked, opening the door. "If it turns out you made something up to get me here, I'll.." she warned, but didn't know what to finish her sentence with. "You'll what?" Damon smirked and narrowed his eyes. Elena pointed her finger at him, "I don't know yet but I'll make sure you'll regret it."<br>Damon took a step closer, it was what she liked to call 'uncomfortably close'. Elena felt her heart skip a beat and inhaled his scent. She suddenly had a déjà-vu feeling, the way he cocked his head to the right side, his eyes flashing over her face. It had exactly been like this when they first met.  
>"Hmhm," Damon replied and turned away from her. She walked after him, but stopped when she was halfway and saw her aunt on the couch, with Alaric beside her. This couldn't be.<p>

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><p>I smiled at Elena when she walked in. Damon had told me that she was okay, but I had been anxious to see for myself. "It's hard to tell whose face is the most priceless," I said and looked from Elena to Damon and to Ric. Elena looked at Damon, who nodded. She walked towards the couch with Damon right behind her. "Jenna," Elena breathed and I saw a tear appear in both her eyes. "The one and only," I grinned, which caused her to roll her eyes. She hugged me and I made room for her on the couch. "How?" she asked, folding her feet under her. "That's what we all want to know," Damon said and took a chair to sit at Elena's side of the couch. The two of them shared a look and I wondered what it was about. "I have a theory," I told them and all three of them turned their attention to me, when I started to tell what I remembered.<p>

_~ It would never have been the same,  
>our time would have been in vain,<br>because you had to go_

_the sweetest thought,_  
><em>I had it all<em>  
><em>Because I did let you go<em>  
><em>Our moments keep me warm<em>  
><em>when you're gone ~<em>

"It's okay Elena, I know what I have to do," I heard myself say. I lunged for the witches throat with unbelievable high speed. I had to try, to fight once more. I knew I wouldn't survive this, but Elena could. Without the witch, Klaus was nothing. And she'd live. I sunk my teeth in Greta's neck, sucking the life out of her. I felt a stake piercing my right side and gasped. Before I knew what had happened, I was a few feet away on the ground. I searched for Elena and found her eyes. My heart broke when I saw her face. I knew what would happen now, Klaus only a few inches away from me, watching us. I didn't have words to define how afraid I was and the saying 'scared to death' was all I could think of. "Just turn it off," Elena cried, "Jenna, turn it of you won't be scared anymore," she told me. His hand grabbed my shoulder, rolling me over. I tried not to think of what I saw above me, but instead thought of Ric, Elena and Jeremy. Then I let go off all the humanity inside of me and gasped when something pierced my heart. It made me want to scream, to yell out in pain, and before I knew, it was over. A light that seemed to come from inside of me exploded, too bright for my eyes. My skin was on fire, my head felt like drowning while the earth beneath me seemed to shatter. A breeze of wind was the last thing I felt, before my soul seemed to heal. "NO, Jenna, NO," was the last thing I heard.

_~ All my thoughts are with you forever  
>Until the day we'll be back together<br>I will be waiting for you ~_

"I still don't understand," Elena whispered. I sighed, I had thought about this for a while now. If it was true, I would probably never know. Nobody was here to prove it. "You know that I told you Klaus made me drink his blood?" I asked her and she nodded. "From all of this, I understood that he is both a vampire, an Original, and a werewolf," I started and looked from one to another. "He killed me, but his blood was still in my system. I was in transition and had to complete it. I drank blood.. But not just blood, I drank from a witch." Damon leaned back, "interesting." Elena seemed silent and Ric was thinking very hard about this too. I could tell.  
>"You see, my blood contained all three kind of supernatural blood. I think I might have had extra powers, because of this. But I'm not sure. I didn't really have time to find out," I smiled weakly. "When Klaus.." I paused, talking about this made me reliving that night. I cringed, but told myself to get it out. It would be easier if I had. "When Klaus staked me, I should have been dead, everything should have faded to black. But all I saw was a white light, so.. <em>alive<em> that it hurted my eyes. It blinded me. It felt like something in my whole body had exploded. My skin was on fire, but my head seemed to be as cool as water. I could feel the grass tickling my back through my jacket and cold, fresh air seemed to gather around me like a blanket."  
>All three of them were lost in their own thoughts, but they were still listening very closely. "It felt like <em>life<em> was rushing through me," I paused, trying to explain this well. It sounded crazy, but yet, every word was true. "Klaus was pure evil, so was Greta, they were both supernatural, unreal. They shouldn't exist in the human world. When I died, the opposite happened because of the blood running through me. I was brought back to life. It made me exactly the opposite of supernatural; human."

I looked at my hands. "I know it sounds crazy, it _is_ crazy, but it's the only thing that could explain it. And the feeling that rushed through me, as soon as the stake pierced my heart, is indescribable. But I never felt so alive, it was like I was _one_ with nature," I raised one eyebrow at myself. I sounded like I was drunk and high at the same time. Elena was quiet. "It does make sense," Damon said and gave me an encouraging smile. "We are dead, you might have been a vampire too short to notice, but we are. We don't need air to breath, or food to live. All we need is blood. All we need is to be everyone's worst nightmare; death. It's the same with werewolves. The curse of the sun and the moon explained that," he told me. "A werewolf bite kills a vampire," Elena stated. Damon looked at her and smirked, "exactly. Werewolves are made to kill vampires. Whenever werewolves are near vampires, no matter how much they like each other when the wolf is in its human shape, it will always feel the urge to kill the vampire." Damon looked at Elena, "that's why I told Blondie not to be friends with Tyler, but she only listens to herself," he smirked. I could see Elena roll her eyes.

"What about witches? They don't have to kill," Elena asked him. He thought about it. "True, but in Greta's case, she abused her power. When Bonnie and I were at the place the spirits of the dead, ancient, witches linger, they told her something. It is what witches learn; their power is to balance wrong and right. Evil and good, nature and supernatural. Greta didn't. She supported evil."  
>"So you think I'm right? That because the fact their supernatural blood, connected with death, ran through my veins and the fact I died, was what brought me back?" I asked him. He nodded, "death can't go with death."<p>

"But you just said that vampires are practically dead, so how can vampires die if death can't go with death?" Ric asked. It had been the loophole in my theory. "The blood inside of a vampire, isn't only vampire blood. He needs human -or animal, blood to live. With this blood, a vampire isn't as dead as it seems to be."  
>"But I drank from Greta to complete the transition and I turned. That means her blood is human." Damon shook his head, "it's part human, but it is part witch blood too. It's the bloodline that makes a witch a witch. Not every human happens to be a witch."<br>"That doesn't change that I had human blood inside of me, so I wasn't as dead as I should have been either. My blood wasn't only dead, there was human's blood in it," I said. I wasn't so sure about my theory anymore about three kind of supernatural in my system saving my life. But there had to be an explanation. "That's right," Damon admitted. "Didn't you just say that Elena had told you to turn your humanity off? And that you had?" he asked. I wondered where this was going. I had turned an invisible switch in my head, but that didn't change the fact the human blood still had been in my body. "Yes," I said, "yes I did."

"I did that for a long time. Turning my humanity off. We all knew what that made me," Damon said grimly. He looked at Elena, and she rested her hand on his shoulder. Had I missed something? I returned by look to Damon when he spoke. "When I lived like this, I didn't care who it was I killed. How many humans I killed at one night. Turning your humanity off stimulates the vampire inside of you. When you turn it off, and embrace what you are -the cause of dead of others, you will keep on killing."  
><em>That made sense,<em> I thought. The less human you were as a vampire, the more you needed human blood. The more you killed, the more you were the death itself. "So turning my humanity off probably tuned out the fact that I had human blood in my system? Why couldn't _you_ turn your humanity off when someone is about to stake you? It doesn't make sense," I wondered out loud. If turning your humanity off before getting killed was the explanation, then why couldn't every vampire do that right before they were killed. "Oh, it does," Damon said. "You forgot about the werewolf blood inside of you. You see, we just found out that Klaus' blood cures a werewolf bite." I raised my eyebrow at him, werewolf bite? "Tyler bit me," he said. Shock was all over my face. When had this happened. "You were under the ground when it happened," Damon grinned. "Damon!" Ric snapped. I picked up his hand. "It's okay, I'm here now," I told him and looked into his eyes. Damon cleared his throat, and I turned my attention back to him. I blushed. "Klaus' blood?" I asked. "Yes, normal werewolf blood won't do. Klaus is both vampire and werewolf. His blood cures a vampire from a werewolf bite."

"I don't understand, what does that have to do with Jenna," Elena asked him. "If it had been normal werewolf blood in Jenna's system, it would have weakened her, because she was a vampire. But the blood in her was part human, part witch, part Jenna's vampire blood, part Klaus' vampire blood and part werewolf. You can say that her own blood tuned out the human part of the mixture, when she turned her humanity off. When you erase those from the equation, you keep three very different kind of bloods, but all similar in a way; Klaus' vampire blood, witch blood and werewolf blood."  
>"So the fact that I drank from Klaus, who is half werewolf and half vampire and the fact that they made me drink from a witch, who's human part of blood I tuned out with my own blood, saved me?" I asked. I thought my story about how I had felt the elements of the world rush through me had been crazy. But it had been nothing compared to this. "That's what I think, yes," Damon answered smiling. "Werewolf bites kill a vampire, it is not the blood of the wolf that does this, but I am quite sure that a vampire drinking from a wolf would end badly. Even if it wouldn't, to be saved like you, a vampire would have to drink from a witch, a werewolf and another vampire at the same time," he said, still thinking. "And I don't think it would work that way. But I'm not willing to find out," he grinned. Elena chuckled beside me and I could see Alaric was smiling as well.<p>

Something occurred to me then, the reason why Elena and Ric were here, besides the obvious. Damon had told me I'd get the whole story of Stefan when they were here. I looked at Elena, who was smiling at Damon. "Where is Stefan?" I wondered out loud and wished I hadn't. Elena's smile disappeared and a dark look crossed her face. She looked at her hands. "He agreed with Klaus to do everything he'd say. Including leaving Mystic Falls," Elena whispered and met my eyes. "Why?" was all I could say. I couldn't believe this. "To save me," Damon answered. Elena looked at him and Damon looked back. He reached for her hand at the same time she reached for his. "Klaus' blood was the only cure for the bite Tyler had given Damon. Stefan gave up everything to save his brother," Ric told me and took me in his arms when I didn't respond. I felt like I was frozen in place and time.

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><p><strong>I'm sorry if there are any (spelling) mistakes. I read it a few times but sometimes you just read past them. The song I used for this chapter is "Bittersweet" by Within Temptation. I thought it did make sense at both Alaric's and Jenna's part. You should listen to it, it's beautiful!<br>I haven't written chapter 4 yet, so I don't know when the next update will be. I'm still not sure what this fanfic will end like, but I'm planning on a Jenna/Elena scene and probably more Damon/Elena and Jenna/Alaric. I love different kind of POVs, I hope it's not too confusing. This started as a Jenna fanfic, but I have no idea where it will lead to yet. **

**Reviews are very welcome, for some reason this chapter weights more than the others because it explained the how-question. I'm curious about what my readers thought of this!**


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